lebowskibaracus (lebowskibaracus) wrote,

Ritual 1

The first ritual of the Church is a solemn occasion known as Calvinball. Shamelessly stolen from the Twenty3 Apples of Eris game Cooknote Fiberglass, the rules of Calvinball are very simple. Each game lasts any amount of time agreed upon by all the players to be not less than 1 hour. There are as many players as you can coax into participating, and the field is anywhere, though preferably a space with multiple pieces of sports equipment or other objects (a playground is an excellent idea, as is an elementary school). There is also a referee, heretofor known as "God", whose job is very important, but limited, and does not prevent him from also being a player. In cases that the referee is also playing, there must be a backup referee, known as "God Lite" to prevent a conflict of interest. In order to start the game, the referee takes the ball (it may be any type of ball, or a rock, or anything else agreed upon by the players) and throws it as far as possible. From this point forward, whichever player who gains control of the ball gets 1 point, and may make up a rule. It does not have to make up a rule, but at the end of the game, any player who did not make up at least 3 rules is disqualified. Also, each player has 2 vetos, which he may use to block any rule any other player makes up from coming into effect. Also, God may veto any number of rules. God Lite may also veto any rule made up by God in order to prevent a conflict of interest. At the end of the game, the person with the highest score wins, and is the referee for the next game of Calvinball. Intoxication before or during a game of Calvinball is encouraged, though it is not necessary as it is in Cooknote Fiberglass. A common house rule is that intoxication is rewarded by points in the game, at the discretion of God, proportional to the degree of intoxication. Note that Calvinball is one of the world's few full-contact religious rites, and acquiring the ball by any means necessary is considered standard operating procedure. Also, honest cheating is permitted. One may circumvent any of the rules, both the starting rules and the rules created by other players, but one is bound by honor and/or the threat of grievous bodily harm to admit cheating if one is caught. Penalties may be then handed at God's discretion, and may include loss of points, shameless acts of indecency, and anything else considered unpleasant enough to discourage poorly-executed cheating.

Examples of good rules:

Sleeping: Each player may call any other player's name, at which point that player must lay down on the ground for 10 seconds, or until the person's name is called again

Declaring a new ball: This is not limited to traditional ball-like objects, and may include roughly anything that can be reasonably possessed by one player exclusively

Hot lava: Declaring an area off-limits by designating it as hot lava. Any players that end up in the designated area must, of course, run screaming and act as though they have caught fire.

Beer run X: The first player to get a beer for the person with the ball gets X points, where X is declared at the time the rule is created. The trick is to declare a value of X that is enough to motivate the other players, but not so much as to put you too far behind. Other refreshments or ceremonial chemicals may be substituted for beer, but take care to observe all laws applicable to persons and areas involved in the game. They needn't be obeyed, simply acknowledged. It is not uncommon, in situations where there is no beer on the premises, to make the value of X 100 or more. This is often the first rule created in a game of Calvinball.

Smoke break: Gameplay stops, and every player who smokes something receives 5 bonus points. Gameplay resumes when all players have finished smoking whatever it is they intend to smoke. Drink break is a common variant

Macarena: The player declaring Macarena throws the ball as far as physically possible, and all players (including the player who created the rule) must perform the much lauded club dance four times, completing a full circle, before they may return to the game.

Poke a stranger: The first player to make physical contact with someone whom they have never met is awarded a 10 point bonus

It is also worth noting that, once one has gained control of the ball, gotten their points, and made up their rule, it is considered a Bad Idea to try to keep the ball. In Calvinball, nothing is true, and everything is permissible.

If you have any other ideas for rules, feel free to add them to the comments section.
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